Week 15 Thursday Night Football: Bengals @ Eagles
Well well…a battle between the playoff pretenders and the wounded wings. I say pretenders because I think Cincinnati will most certainly make the playoffs as a wildcard…and then get trounced. So pretenders it is. The dickless…errr I mean Vickless, Eggles…err I mean Eagles are just trying to win a game with rookies Bryce Brown and Nick Foles. Let’s break this one down by offensive position.
Andy Dalton (Bengals) VS Nick Foles (Eagles)
I am giving the edge to the Red Rifle in Andy Dalton due to experience alone. He is a smart player and knows when to take a shot down field to his favorite target A.J. Green. Jermaine Gresham has re-emerged as a great target for him as well. Andy can move in the pocket well and the Bengals are a better road team than they are at home. Nick Foles is green but has a strong, strong arm. Foles is missing DeSean Jackson because Foles can actually deliver an accurate deep ball with protection in the pocket…oh wait…the Eagles don’t have that. Fire crotch torches the Eggles and they march on. ADVANTAGE BENGALS
Oh..btw..I am starting Dalton tonight for my Fantasy team against Chris Meinecke..I hope he has a career game. Fuck you Meinecke!
BenJarvis Green-Ellis (Bengals) VS Bryce Brown (Eagles)
The Lawfirm against a rookie. I am giving it to the rookie in this round. Lawfirm is having a nice season but doesn’t have the explosiveness that Brown possesses. Brown can still cough up the football but when you are running for 150+yds and 2 scores…who gives a fuck? Brown is averaging a whopping 5.7 yards per carry and Lawfirm is 4.1 yards per carry…both good numbers but….as Tyler Perry says…Helllluurrrrrrrrrr. ADVANTAGE EAGLES
A.J. Green, Andrew Hawkins (Bengals) VS Jeremy Maclin, Jason Avant (Eagles)
On paper…going with the Bengals. A.J. Green is too explosive of a playmaker by himself to not give this edge to the Bengals. Dalton will be looking for the fade to Green in the end-zone all evening, and will be successful. I think Maclin has the best game of this entire group, but it will be in vain as the Eagles come up short with a rookie at the helm. ADVANTAGE BENGALS
Jermaine Gresham (Bengals) VS Brent Celek (Eagles)
Gresham is having a great season for the Bengals. 5td’s to be exact already and that is good production. Celek has one measly touchdown but over 600 yards…which is nothing to laugh at. I think this is a wash; Celek just isn’t a featured part of the red-zone offense for the Eagles whereas Gresham is a go to option along with Green. ADVANTAGE BENGALS
So what does all this horseshit mean? It means I get to talk about who I like and why I think I am correct and you get to read it and tell me I am full of shit if you are an Eagles fan and tell me I am God if you are a Bengals fan. Either is fine with me, but please address me as Sir.
Bengals win and get criticized, the Eagles grow as a team, and Sportscenter talks about how good Nick Foles will be next season. Bank it.