♣ by David Kososki ♣
Τhe two year saga of the Rock’s return is about to come to a close Sunday night. In one of the most drawn out storylines in wrestling history, The Rock and John Cena complete the epic story line they’ve painted for us. The WWE presents Wrestlemania 29 Sunday, and this year they shaft all of the superstars that have busted their ass for the last year to showcase 5 men (Taker, HHH, Michaels, Brock, Rock) who work maybe 5 times a year. Time for BLFC to review the matchup, as well as the rest of the lineup, and make out surefire predictions for this Sunday’s card!
The Miz sure has fallen far, fast, hasn’t he? It seems like just yesterday he was defending his title as a headliner for “the grandest stage of them all”. He and Wade Barrett have the potential to steal the show, but at the bottom of the card, and 7-10 minutes likely allotted, this seems highly unlikely. Of the entire card, this could be the most unlikely outcome. What will an Intercontinental Title reign do to advance Miz? Our guess at BLFC is they’ll use a clean win by Barrett to advance and legitimize his reign. In the interest of time, let’s just say that the team of Funk & the Funkadalycts vs. Team Rhodes Scholars and the Bella Twins is probably the least desirable or interesting match on the card for most wrestling fans. Ok, we forgot about Mark Henry and Ryback… We at BLFC believe that they’ll just split hairs and give the fans one face victory between the 2 matches of superstars destined to never headline a Wrestlemania worth plunking $50 on. Team Rhodes Scholars, and Ryback in victory’s that wont be included in “The Best of Series” of Wrestlemania
Fandango vs. Chris Jericho has the potential to be the biggest train wreck in wresting history (short of the Shocker’s WCW debut) due to the lack of in ring experience by Fandango. The WWE is relying heavily on Jericho’s immense experience to carry the young gimmicky wrestler and put him over. A clean victory for the dancing fool would surely do that, but can he overcome the horrendous gimmick that ultimately failed Disco Fever in the 90’s? In the remaining undercard, the WWE to give Dolph Zigler and Big E the tag straps to legitimize their careers as Kane and Daniel Bryan have run this gimmick as long as they can. Randy Orton will finally make his much needed heel turn. The only question will be is it going to come at the expense of Big Show and Sheamus, or after loss? The spoiler will be on Monday where Orton will reveal himself to be the new leader of a faction hell bent on taking over the WWE, ala NWO. Triple H will shock the world when he gets accompanied by a temporarily returning Stephanie Levesque née McMahon. WWE is trying to convince us that Trips would actually retire prior to next years Mania by stipulating a retirement match with Brock Lesnar. The problem is that in wrestling, retirement matches mean absolutely nothing. From Randy Savage, to Ric Flair. These matches just serve as periods of rest for active wrestlers to recoup and return to extract vengeance on the dastardly villain. Problem is Hunter is no longer an active wrestler. A part timer who now works as VP of talent relations, Trips has transitioned to the corporate structure and finding the future leaders of the WWE. Brock has been a dominant force since his return last year. He is rumored to have resigned for 1 more year on a part time basis, potentially setting up a match with the Deadman at next year’s show. A victory will do nothing to advance eithers career long-term within the company, other than to put on a great show for the fans, and help line the pockets of the undercard by drawing a larger buy rate. Expect Hunter to take a victory after both men “blade” heavily during the match that will probably conclude with Stephanie Pedigee-ing Paul Hayman. In one of the most ethnically offensive characters since Muhhamad Hassan, WWE has taken on the tea party by repackaging Jack Swagger as an anti-immigration extremist hel bent on sending Alberto del Rio back to Mexico. The WWE could be foolish by placing the heavyweight strap on a guy just arrested for DUI and marijuana possession a few months back. If he tests positive, he’d be suspended for a month, and more than likely forfeit the belt. Still, the mass audience isn’t buying del Rio as a face yet, and a loss through some villainous act could propel Alberto to appeal to a much larger audience.
“Undertaker and CM Punk creates a dream match for many wrestling purist fans.”
Considering how professional wrestling does draw extremely well to the Hispanic and Latin audiences, keeping Ablberto face, and chasing a horrendously heinous villain is huge. Jack gets the belt with outside help. Undertaker and CM Punk creates a dream match for many wrestling purist fans. ‘Taker on his last legs needs a young, agile partner in the ring to create movement, and action. Most are expecting Mean Mark to be an older, less agile Deadman (think Hogan vs. Michaels, or Rock). With a string of loses since being world title holder for over 400 days, the WWE would serve Punk well to legitimize his standing with a victory.
Unfortunately, it makes more sense for the WWE to keep the streak intact and try to make some money on the “heat” between ‘Taker and Brock that played on UFC a few years back. Bank on 21-0. Cena vs. Rock is our pick to be the most disappointing main event in recent history. Rock remains the most charismatic figure in wrestling history. His remains the best talking on the mike, and more importantly, incredibly witty to ad lib under any situation. His in ring skills have dwindled. Is it due to rust or just getting older? We think it’s both. Let’s face, Rock’s gone after Sunday to play He-Man, Conan, Flex Armstrong, or whatever the hell else they want him to play in Hollywood. Love him or hate him, the perpetually smiling douchey John Cena will come running out in orange and blue jeans and t shirt (Knicks colors), wave his hand, kiss a grandmother, and burp a baby. Then promptly defeat Rock for the belt. Those hoping for a swerve, and a turn heel will get what Vince McMahon wants to give the “smarky” fans… The exact opposite. Cena remains a happy go lucky idiot who occasionally drops a humorous line or two.