The Smell of Roses

badbabyauthorby The Bad Baby

Do you smell what “The Alvarez” is cooking?! If you were Dwayne Johnson, you could for sure, or just a hungry Wisconsin Badgers fan. With the departure of Bret Bielema for Arkansas, Barry Alvarez is taking over the reins of the Wisconsin Badgers for another Rose Bowl. Bielema failed to deliver a win, while Barry has three. This is going to bode well for a Badgers team led by Montee Ball. Opposing Ball is another running back from Stanford, who is no slouch, in Stepfan Taylor. These two will undoubtedly steal the spotlight for the evening of January 1st, 2013. The Stanford Cardinal are back in the Rose Bowl from the Pac-12 and are chomping at the bit as well.

Is Wisconsin even supposed to be here for this day? Well, yes, because they aren’t a bunch of scandalous fucks. Congratulations for being able to read NCAA rules and follow the moral code of man, Wisconsin. Yes they deserve to be here, and they showed it by blowing out Nebraska in the Big 10 Championship game.

Wisconsin and Stanford are average in the passing game, ranking 115th and 94th respectively. Where these teams excel is in rushing and defense. Wisconsin has a slight advantage on paper in the rushing department, 12th to 51st. Stanford is slightly better in the defensive department than Wisconsin, 13th to 19th. Oh my what kind of football game will we have here?! A high scoring affair in which neither team decides to show up for defense…or a low scoring affair in which the defense plays so well we are bored as fuck and decide to watch re-runs of Family Guy again?

Aww fuck it, analysis doesn’t mean shit. Both these teams can score, and quickly. Both these teams have defense. Flip a god damn coin, drink your drink, don’t be rude, and enjoy football on New Year’s Day!


Rose Colored Glasses

Wisconsin Badgers head football coach Bret Bielema joked by saying that the NCAA has given the Badgers special permission to wear sunglass during the game to help with the reflective glare that is said to come off the Oregon Ducks new helmets.

Oregon Ducks Rose Bowl helmets by Nike

Focus on helmets and jerseys has gotten a tad out of hand.  I’m sure Bielema, and even Oregon coach Chip Kelly, are perfectly fine with attention being put on the helmet.  It’s a silly question, but it helps to eat up time in press conferences that can really drag on.  Getting to the game, for both coaches and their teams, is item number one on their list, not what they’ll be wearing tonight during the Rose Bowl game in Pasadena, California.

Wisconsin's new Rose Bowl uniforms

The Badgers and Ducks come into the Rose Bowl with identical 11-2 records, and Big Ten and Pac-12 championships respectively.  The matchup this year between these two teams seems to be a perfect one.  The Badgers lost this same bowl game last year to TCU, and the Ducks fell to Cam Newton and Auburn in the BCS title game.  Something has to give.  Someone has to win.  No matter who does win however, it should turn out to be a great game.  With star players and successful young coaches, the Rose Bowl will have many story lines to follow, and plenty of action between programs that don’t back down from anything, and give 110% on the field at all times.

Expect big scores from big programs.  Wisconsin Badgers 45 – Oregon Ducks 42

Half finished thoughts from a quarter wit

Citizens Of Milwaukee, Wisconsin, United States, and World.  (notice I excluded exterrestials…there will be no alien pertinent content, so don’t send me your angry emails in gologon language asking for my space jokes)

A first blog posting is a special time in a young boy’s life.  In a sign of my trademark uncertainty, I am not going with one topic this time.  I’m going to give you a smattering of my opinions, and you pick out the five you hate the most, and tell me how dumb I am.

See, in our last failed blog attempt, I wrote one post.  It was all about how the 2010 Green Bay Packers were not going to win in the playoffs due to a lack of a solid rushing attack.

As you can see, I clearly know what I am talking about.

So now without further ado, random observations…

1.  I got an iPad as a gift recently.  I love it, but I can see how some of the capabilities need to be fleshed out further.  I think it is great to watch movies, read books and the like, but you really can’t “have” files on it per se-you need to email them to yourself or other file sharing tricks.  I am not full of excel files or anything, but I think as an idea, tablet computers are still not quite there.  It does anything your laptop does, just usually with less hard drive and no key board.  That said, don’t touch my I pad.  You will be hunted down and made to buy me Qdoba if you do.

2.  Appropriately numbered, next I want to discuss the “craft two” menu at Qdoba.  It has been a part of their menu for a year or so, and allow me to make the senseless proclamation that when it disappears from this earth, so will I.  In the past, one was forced into a decisicionary funnel(cake): burrito, tacos, or nachos.  Now I can get the best of two worlds with a reasonable portion.  I mean it seriously when I put in the dude who invented up for a nobel prize.  Instead they gave it to some dipshit who discovered the 113th element.  Great, another element to remember.  I hope it’s symbol is “Fu”.

3. Time for three simple truths: 1. The McRib is fucking gross.

2. McDonald’s is fucking gross.  I only will eat breakfast there, and maybe 4-5 times a year.

3. Buying a salad at McDonald’s is like buying a condom as your leaving the abortion center-its a great start, but a little late to undo the damage already done.

4. The november depression of being a Wisconsin Football fan sets in.  Sadly, college football has become a sport where the only way you can truly enjoy the season is if your TEAM WINS EVERY GAME.  So once the badgers drop their first big ten game, I go into a fan coma of baseless indifference.  I know the games still matter, but I don’t really care.  What am I rooting for after two conference losses?  Both teams to play hard?  The sportsmanship award?  Fuck that.  You root for sportsmanship.

5. unsolicited musical recommendations:  The new Angels and Airwaves album gives me a perma-boner.  Give it a spin.  Its like U2 and Blink 182 got together, had sex, and produced a child named Blunk-2182.  Me likey.  Also I keep buying Coldplay records.  Its like melancholy college Nelson is still alive inside me every time I listen to Chris Martin sing over a piano.  The lyrics turn into something like below

piano piano piano

“Nelson didn’t get laid again tonight”


“Nelson used a dumb joke on a hot girl, and now he won’t get some poke”



Guitar Solo, more piano.

You get the idea….

6.  Amazon Chase Card:  Well that was a dumb idea.  You basically get once cent at Amazon for every dollar your charge on it.  It takes longer than best buy fucking reward zone for the credit to show up.  In other news, in three weeks, I will have $17.45 to spend at Amazon.  Let the gold diggers commence!  I can imagine the tag line for the card now:

“Spend 2 grand, get free book”

I feel like Homer Simpson: “I’d be stupid not to take that deal”

So there.  That’s all for now.  Thanks for listening.  I hope you weren’t staring at my chest the whole time your were reading this.  I hate being objectified.  I am not a hunk of man meat for you all to ogle.