The Smell of Roses

badbabyauthorby The Bad Baby

Do you smell what “The Alvarez” is cooking?! If you were Dwayne Johnson, you could for sure, or just a hungry Wisconsin Badgers fan. With the departure of Bret Bielema for Arkansas, Barry Alvarez is taking over the reins of the Wisconsin Badgers for another Rose Bowl. Bielema failed to deliver a win, while Barry has three. This is going to bode well for a Badgers team led by Montee Ball. Opposing Ball is another running back from Stanford, who is no slouch, in Stepfan Taylor. These two will undoubtedly steal the spotlight for the evening of January 1st, 2013. The Stanford Cardinal are back in the Rose Bowl from the Pac-12 and are chomping at the bit as well.

Is Wisconsin even supposed to be here for this day? Well, yes, because they aren’t a bunch of scandalous fucks. Congratulations for being able to read NCAA rules and follow the moral code of man, Wisconsin. Yes they deserve to be here, and they showed it by blowing out Nebraska in the Big 10 Championship game.

Wisconsin and Stanford are average in the passing game, ranking 115th and 94th respectively. Where these teams excel is in rushing and defense. Wisconsin has a slight advantage on paper in the rushing department, 12th to 51st. Stanford is slightly better in the defensive department than Wisconsin, 13th to 19th. Oh my what kind of football game will we have here?! A high scoring affair in which neither team decides to show up for defense…or a low scoring affair in which the defense plays so well we are bored as fuck and decide to watch re-runs of Family Guy again?

Aww fuck it, analysis doesn’t mean shit. Both these teams can score, and quickly. Both these teams have defense. Flip a god damn coin, drink your drink, don’t be rude, and enjoy football on New Year’s Day!